[Election ‘016 31] Dem Debate Transcript

[Election ‘016 31] Dem Debate Transcript


I finally watched the 2nd Democratic debate last night and I thought I would transcribe an excerpt from it that I found to be especially moving.


DICKERSON: It is undeniable that the political situation in the Middle East, especially in Iraq and Syria, is at the least stable level it has been in a decade. Governor O’Malley, what would you do to stop the spread of ISIS throughout Iraq and the rest of the Muslim world?

O’MALLEY: (inoffensive white noise)


CLINTON: I would like to respond.


DICKERSON: Go ahead, Madame Secretary.


CLINTON: I have said that the invasion of Iraq was a mistake. I think we can all agree that Iraq, like all nations, is fundamentally less stable and less prosperous without a person of resolve and noble blood at its head. Had I known in 2003 that the war in Iraq would’ve lead to the undermining of totalitarian authority then I would’ve voted against it in a heartbeat.


SANDERS: Secretary Clinton, I’m sure that your opinion on the Iraq War has changed at least once since you voted on it, but I would like to assure the American people that I have always been against the Iraq War, just like the top 1/10th of 1% in America owns as much wealth as the bottom 90%. My opinion has been as steadfast and unwavering as the middle class American workers trying to scrape by on a meager minimum wage while still supporting their families. Also free college.










(Audience collapses from applauding)


O’MALLEY: (inoffensive white noise)


CLINTON: Governor O’Malley, that is preposterous… uh… actually, I mildly agree with everything you just said, but beside the point! I would like to bring to light something that my colleagues are too afraid to mention; a disproportionate amount of tyrannical despots are female. Do we honestly live in such a backward society that when a little girl runs up to her parents with a book about Henry VIII and says, “Look, mom and dad, I want to be just like this,” that those parents have to tell that little girl that she can’t. She has to settle for being a police officer or a senator. I want to live in a country where my granddaughter can say that she doesn’t want to be a pretty princess for Halloween. She can say that she wants to dress up as Caligula and rule Rome with an iron fist. She wants to order her armies to burn down peasant villages and silent dissenters. She wants the unwavering, zealous devotion of her people and slaughter those who oppose her. That, Senator Sanders and Governor O’Malley, is what we should be talking about in this debate.


(Uneasy applause)


SANDERS: What Secretary Clinton failed to mention is that top 1/10th of 1% of women own more wealth than the bottom 90% combined. It has been too long since a political candidate has highlighted the tremendous wealth disparity that is crippling the American middle class, who make less, combined, than the top 1/10th of 1%. It is time that we declare a war on the top 1/10th of 1% of Americans, whom make more than the bottom 90% combined, I might add.




CLINTON: Senator Sanders, this problem would be nonexistent if we had a real leader with some gumption. If one person owns everything in the kingd-uhm I mean nation then there is no wealth for the upper class to hog. The peasants can harvest wheat and whatever else it is those kinds of people do and never have to worry about earning a paycheck. Everything is provided for a meager tax on their crop, which I assure you they would be adamant about paying. It’s really the perfect system and it is a shame that I have to go through all of this uncouth debating before I am able to ascend to the position which is my birthright.


DICKERSON: We’re getting a bit off track here. Secretary Clinton, I’d like to shift focus bacl toward-


CLINTON: Silence, you impudent whelp! You will speak when you are spoken to or I will put your head on the block before this night draws to an end! I am the queen of queens!


DICKERSON: Y-yes, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am. Uh, Senator Sanders, I’d like to shift the focus toward the initial question about ISIS.


SANDERS: Yes, well, I believe that the rise of ISIS in Syria and Iraq is directly related to the fact that the top 1/10th of 1% of ISIS members own as much wealth as the bottom 90%. There is a vast level of income inequality in the jihadist community and it is at an all time high. It is an outcry that the largest terrorist organization in the world does not guarantee free healthcare to all of its members. Healthcare is a basic human right, even for those who routinely commit heinous violations of human rights. It is time that the wealthiest of extremists to take a hit in order to ensure that the rest get their fair share. Not just the religious extremists, but the fiscal extremists who have declared jihad on the working class! All citizens of the world need to unite and join me in eradicating the scourge of the 1/10th of 1%. We are 7,292,700,000 strong and we shall overcome! The 99.9% shall inherit the Earth!




(Crowd storms the stage)


(Crowd tears Hillary Clinton to shreds)


(O’Malley phases from our reality into a dimension of pure blandness and mediocrity)
(The ever growing swarm takes to the streets, leveling the urban sprawl that stood as a monument to the unbridled greed of the billionaire class and starting a new society from the fruits of the earth, one pure and unspoiled by the cancer that is capitalism)

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