I’m done with this shit. I’m done. It took about nine months, but this election cycle has finally broken me.
2012 was a blast. I remember all those sick election memes. Binders full of women. Horses and bayonets. Joe Biden cackling at every word coming out of Paul Ryan’s mouth. We had a silly primary where we watched as all of the stupid or crazy candidates argued and tripped over their words, but we knew that the victor was going to be the nicely dressed Mormon guy who wasn’t babbling about moon bases or tax plans ripped from a video game. Then we had a good, clean general election with two sane and articulate candidates and their relatively sane and articulate running mates. Each debate was its own event, the culmination of weeks worth of current events, where the interested minority tuned in while the masses watched lesser programming. It was slow. Ratings were low. Nobody besides me, a couple of friends, and probably a bunch of old people cared. It was truly a gentleman’s sport.
2016 couldn’t have strayed farther from this. Sure, we started out roughly the same. There was a primary process that, while a little more packed than before, was about the same. We had the Democratic shoe-in and the Republican sideshow. Jindy and Ted and Lindsey and even that silly ol’ Donald Trump. What a fun game it was, watching these hopeless lunatics duke it out until the mediocre professional, the Jebby or the Marco, was the only one left standing. The candidates fought and we lost some brave souls, but the joke candidates weren’t going away as soon as we figured. We joked about Donald Trump winning the nomination, probably the first great meme of the election. Haha, build a wall! Man, this will be a funny meme while it lasts. Memes always die, right?
But the meme didn’t die. People bought into the meme. They underestimated its power and were consumed by it. The meme became unstoppable and still ravages the electoral countryside, looking for new prey.
But whatever, this isn’t about Trump. This is about what the world has become since the rise of the Donald, the fall of Clinton, and the dying gasps of the Bern. The world has become a fucking dump for unwanted, unimportant opinions (said the pot as it was complaining about how black the kettle was.)
I’m sick of Bernie supporters calling Trump a fascist. I’m sick of Trump supporters calling Hillary an unqualified war criminal. I’m sick of Hillary supporters calling Bernie a senile nut job. I don’t give a fuck if the Dixie Chicks or John Stamos talk about how much they hate Trump or if Tim Allen thinks we need a pure hearted, midwestern dad like John Kasich (god rest his soul) running the country. I don’t give a fuck what your cutting edge commentary on Trump’s wall or Bernie’s healthcare is, no matter how earth shattering it is when compared to what the 700,000,000,000,000 other people with a Facebook have said. In 4 years the presidential election went from some nerds laughing at the casual commodifying of women as names in a binder to millions of people debating the merits of discussing penis size during a presidential debate.
I’m calling it quits on this election. Check back with me in 2020.
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