[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Angry Bird Man

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Angry Bird Man

 

Angry Bird Man

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Let’s be honest here. Nobody cares about no angry fowls gettin’ all mad from no pigs fighting each other and stealing eggs or whatever. Celebrity voice actors or whatever are stupid and really, it’s just not something that people can really enjoy in the first place. No, the world wants story. They want action. They want innovation and captivation.

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[Movies We Haven’t Watched] The Brave Little Toaster

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] The Brave Little Toaster

“Plug into the Adventure!” screams the cover art of this movie. “Not on your life!” I scream back, sobbing into my pillow at night, remembering the five minutes of this film I was awake for at six years old. Read more

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Citizen Can-Do

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Citizen Can-Do

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Citizen Can-Do

Thedude3445

 

“You might be wondering why I called all you here today,” The Citizen told the crowd in front of him in the theatre. He wore a grin from ear to ear, like a mischievous cat that also drove taxis. “Well, it’s because your dearly beloved Mr. Can-Do has passed away in his sleep.”

One guy in the crowd raised his hand. “Uh, why are you telling us this? It happened last week.”

“Because I have proof that he was not killed by an accident!” The Citizen said. “And it pleases me to tell you that one of you in this room was the culprit!”

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[Stories We Haven’t Read] A Study in Scarlet

[Stories We Haven’t Read] A Study in Scarlet

The hex code of the day was #ff2400. Holmes and Watson, two prestigious men of their day, painted the walls of their study #ff2400. Together. They did a lot of things together, like solving murders without any definitive evidence. They also lived together.

They wanted to paint their study in a shade of red that sounded more pretentious than it looked. Scarlet. They now had a study in scarlet. It was beautiful. Read more

[Books We Haven’t Read] Nancy Drew and the Police Problem

[Books We Haven’t Read] Nancy Drew and the Police Problem

Chapter 19 – Closing up

“You’ve done it again, Nancy!” the police chief yelled, looking more miffed that someone who wasn’t him had solved a crime rather than happy that a criminal was about to be locked up. It was like he was actively trying to let crime run rampant, or something. Nancy had better things to think about, like whatever standardized tests second graders took back in the day. The ITBS or something. Comic books. She had more important things to worry about than the fact that she was better at the police’s job than the police. Read more

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] The Manchurian Presidential Candidate

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] The Manchurian Presidential Candidate

The Manchurian Presidential Candidate

Thedude3445

 

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The final debate between Presidential Candidates Donald Agnew and Mitt Nixon in Baltimore, Maryland was about to begin. It was going to be the first color-televised debate in American history, and was set to bring in some of the best ratings of all time.

But Donald Agnew was feeling sick.

His advisor Joe Kennedy came up to him as they sat in their green room and rubbed his back. “You’re gonna get this,” he said. “You’re gonna get this. We’re gonna win this fuckin’ election.”

“I don’t know… There’s something weird inside me… I must have eaten Texan or something…”

“Don’t worry about it. Just go on the stage and let everything happen.”

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