[Election ‘016 036] Fireside Chat

Joe Biden took a massive sip of bloody mary flavored vapor, letting the taste of tomato and worcestershire sauce fully coat the insides of his lungs before exhaling. The smell of crackling firewood co-mingled with the (unfortunately) non-alcoholic beverage smoke, filling the cozy den of the Motel 6 with a wall of smog until it was breached by 5’ 7” of pure man; Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina. Lindsey carried a mint julep in each hand and placed one next to the Vice President.

[Election ‘016 016] Fell-Joe-ship of the Ring

“Hold the gates!” Berndalf the White shouted from the highest tower of Dommu Biancu. The Hordes of Repüblikhan tore at the alabaster shell of the city’s walls and into its interior like a flesh-eating virus. Small pockets of the city watch were spread thin, fighting desperately to keep the monsters from spreading deeper into the city. As valiantly as they fought, they couldn’t hold the hordes back for long; the Repüblikhans were too numerous.

“Fight, my brothers!” Berndalf boomed, his voice echoing across the city like a clap of thunder. “As long as one of us still stands, the Repüblikhans will never take Dommu Biancu!”