[Election ‘016 015] The Chris Christie Bridge

Today, we’re posting Home Clipart Animal Deer’s very first Guest Post; our friend Ktalaki has written a President story for Governor Chris Christie, and we’re happy to have it on this site. Enjoy:

The Chris Christie Bridge

by Ktalaki

“Hey you!” a professionally suited businessman said, getting the attention of Chris Christie as he rolled down the sidewalk on his Segway i2 SE. The man was holding a heavy briefcase, so Christie could tell he was a genuine professional. “You look like a man of great taste. I think I’ve got an offer just for you.”

It was true; Chris Christie was a man of ­excellent­ taste. He especially loved the fine delicacies at Wegmans markets, often making several trips in one day. “What kind of offer?” Christie asked.

[Election ‘016 014] I <3 Mike Huckabees

Motherfucking cocksucker motherfucking shit fucker! What am I doing? What am I doing? I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m doing the best that I can. I know that’s all I can ask of myself. But is that good enough? Is my campaign doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? This Trump guy’s a sign, right? Because if he isn’t… then nothing in this world makes any sense to me. I’m fucked. Maybe I should quit. Don’t quit. Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don’t fucking quit. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to fucking do anymore. Fucker. Fuck! Shit!

[Election ‘016 014] I

Motherfucking cocksucker motherfucking shit fucker! What am I doing? What am I doing? I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m doing the best that I can. I know that’s all I can ask of myself. But is that good enough? Is my campaign doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? This Trump guy’s a sign, right? Because if he isn’t… then nothing in this world makes any sense to me. I’m fucked. Maybe I should quit. Don’t quit. Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don’t fucking quit. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to fucking do anymore. Fucker. Fuck! Shit!

[Election ‘016 006] Linc

It was cloudy outside, and it looked to start raining very soon. Not a good day for riding horses, much to Lincoln Chafee’s chagrin. He felt that, if given the opportunity, he could take Buttercup out for a spin, and go east, and further and further east, until he reached the sea, where he would leave the horse and continue swimming across the Atlantic.

Instead, because it was about to rain, he went into the barn and checked up on his other two horses. Ford and Mercury stood, sleeping, as if the faint rumblings of thunder were like a ceiling fan to them, calming them to a peaceful sleep. Lincoln wished he could be as courageous as them in the midst of the storm, but he knew it would not come true.

He left these two horses a fine dish of caviar and went to meet Buttercup. This horse of his was special. He was, in actuality, his father, who had been reincarnated into an equestrian upon his original death as a human being. All members of the Chafee family underwent this metamorphosis of the soul, and Lincoln himself would have this happen to him soon enough, as he was gaining on his years himself.

[Election ‘016 001] The Man with No Last Name

          Warm, sand-laced wind cut through the air, scoring The Man’s unshaven face. The snaking dirt road stretched on toward the sheer orange walls of a mesa. A rickety, sun bleached wooden sign slowly approached on his right, the words “Casa de Blanca, 8 miles” scratched into its face. He continued on at a slightly more brisk pace in the direction that the sign pointed.

          As he traveled the road began to curve, leading the Man toward the town, which was nestled in an alcove at the mesa’s base and hidden from the road until about a mile away. The term “town” was very loose in this instance, as Casa de Blanca consisted of little more than a handful buildings, most of them ramshackle wooden structures. The only building that stood out from the whithered piles of wood that dotted the village was a whitewashed adobe mission about twice as tall as the rest, built into the wall of the mesa. The Man’s gaze gravitated toward the towering fortress for a reason unbeknownst to him. He felt drawn to this… white house.

Introduction — Election ‘016: The Series!

Today, Home Clipart Animal Deer is starting up a new series called “Election ‘016: The Series.”

Election ‘016 updates on Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and every single candidate will get his or her own story. Every. Single. Candidate. Yes, even George Pataki will get one. The stories range in genre from western, to surrealism, to epic poetry. There is even a space opera.

The first story in the series, uploading today, will be “The Man with No Last Name,” a story about Jeb! We hope you enjoy!