[Election ‘016 063] Bernie Time

[Election ‘016 063] Bernie Time


Bernie Time



The one-tenth of the one percent must fall.

That was the single most important phrase that Jesse and his fellow comrades-in-arms needed to remember, to memorize, to take to heart. It was the sacred mantra of Bernie Sanders’s great army– the Sanderistas.

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[Movies We Haven’t Seen] Pokemon: Hoopa and the Clash of Ages

[Movies We Haven’t Seen] Pokemon: Hoopa and the Clash of Ages


I haven’t watched a Pokemon movie since the one with Deoxys and the evil cubes flooding a city or whatever. That was the point in my life in which I said, “Maybe I don’t need you anymore, Pokemon movies. This just isn’t working out.” So I kicked Pokemon movies to the curb and have since just played the games. However, I was curious about just what the hell was happening with Pokemon movies in the 10 or so years I have been away. Was there one where Jirachi helped Ash wish away poverty and famine across the world, which lead to increased greenhouse gas emissions from the hundreds of newly industrialized nations, bringing about radical climate change? Did Giratina fuse the Pokemon and Digimon universes together, leading to harmony among fans of shitty anime about battling monsters? No, they made some movie about some fucking ring ghost Pokemon that I have never heard of. And it turns into a six armed Yu-Gi-Oh card named EvilDEMONsion – Battle Genie or something.

Anyway, you know the drill. This is what I hope the movie will be like, even though it almost certainly will not be anywhere close. Those people at Nintendo aren’t ready for my radical new vision for the Pokemon Cinematic Universe. The movie just came out in New Zealand and Australia, so can our singular reader from there tell us how accurate this script is?

Pokemon: Hoopa and the Clash of Ages