[Election ‘016 049] Mitt Romney’s Dream at 2:30 AM on January 27th 2016 (Part One)

Mitt Romney’s Dream at 2:30 AM on January 27th, 2016

by Thedude3445

Foreword: All Primary maps were generated using a cool tool from RealClearPolitics. Check it out here. You may have to open the maps in a different tab to view them in full-size.

 

1.

January 27th, 2016

Mitt Romney laid over in his bed and his face hitt Ann’s back. It woke him up, his eyes jolting open. His vision was blurry and his mind was spinning from whatever he was dreaming about.

He then felt the warmth of his blanket and of Ann’s back. He put his arm around her, put his head back against his pillow, and closed his eyes.

It was a very long, cold night, and Mitt’s mind cleared into an icy Iowan landscape, one that he was so familiar of, for all those years before…

 

2.

January 29th, 2016

Sean Hannity turned to Mitt in that same-as-always spin and smiled. “So here on the show today we have a very special guest coming to talk to us. It’s former Massachusetts Governor and Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney. Mitt, how are you today?”

[Election ‘016 014] I <3 Mike Huckabees

Motherfucking cocksucker motherfucking shit fucker! What am I doing? What am I doing? I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m doing the best that I can. I know that’s all I can ask of myself. But is that good enough? Is my campaign doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? This Trump guy’s a sign, right? Because if he isn’t… then nothing in this world makes any sense to me. I’m fucked. Maybe I should quit. Don’t quit. Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don’t fucking quit. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to fucking do anymore. Fucker. Fuck! Shit!

[Election ‘016 014] I

Motherfucking cocksucker motherfucking shit fucker! What am I doing? What am I doing? I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m doing the best that I can. I know that’s all I can ask of myself. But is that good enough? Is my campaign doing any good? Is anybody paying attention? Is it hopeless to try and change things? This Trump guy’s a sign, right? Because if he isn’t… then nothing in this world makes any sense to me. I’m fucked. Maybe I should quit. Don’t quit. Maybe I should just fucking quit. Don’t fucking quit. I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to fucking do anymore. Fucker. Fuck! Shit!

[Election ‘016 010] Agent of Chaos

Agent of Chaos

Thedude3445

Rick Santorum, wearing an azure sweater-vest, sat down on his pyrite throne, clasped his hands together, and grinned. There was nothing the world could do to stop him from having the best day he would ever have, and everything about that made him giddy. As he picked up a slice of apple pie with his hands and shoved it into his mouth, he felt like doing nothing more than laughing. He didn’t, of course, because then he would have choked, but it took a great effort to avoid cackling. Once he swallowed the pie, he wiped his mouth with an American flag-patterned handkerchief and turned on the television in front of him.

On the screen was a local news station, interviewing the common people. Rick chortled at those with no influence over anyone’s lives but their own, or maybe their families if they were lucky. He couldn’t comprehend what the anchor was actually saying in his sing-songy newscaster inflection, but it didn’t matter to Rick. Rather, it was an opportunity for madness that had just presented itself, and he would do no less than seize it like the police would a kilogram of crack cocaine in the trunk of the Minority Whip’s car (AKA the Minority Whip).