[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Angry Bird Man

[Movies We Haven’t Watched] Angry Bird Man


Angry Bird Man



Let’s be honest here. Nobody cares about no angry fowls gettin’ all mad from no pigs fighting each other and stealing eggs or whatever. Celebrity voice actors or whatever are stupid and really, it’s just not something that people can really enjoy in the first place. No, the world wants story. They want action. They want innovation and captivation.

Angry Bird Man is not going to serve us in this. He will serve us less than even the Fruit Ninja Kinect movie did, and the War Craft Miner movie will in the near future. Our heart lies in a different place than it did in the days of yore, so many moons ago that we’ve forgotten the pain that so entrenched us in the Middle East with such intensity.


It’s not the type of movie I want. It’s not the type of cinematic experience that the world deserves.


No, I want something better. Something with a lover of cinema, bringing forth his lovely vision. That man would most likely be Steven Spielberg, creator of such masterpieces as 2001: A Space Odyssey, Back to the Future, and Lost in Space.


I want a Boom Blox Movie, and that is the only thing left for me,


Please save cinema. Please take inspiration from my favorite Nintendo Wii game of 2008, one directly produced and created by the cinematic genius of Amblin Entertainment himself. The ball-knocking, physics-based party puzzler was hundreds times more graceful and movie-worthy than any Angry Bird Man could ever dream for. I was in love, and still am.


For the love of all that is movies, please don’t watch any Finnish CGI movies. Please watch only Boom Blox.


Thank you.

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