Frederick Fred O, owner of the company that owns the company that owns the planet that holds the company that produces a specific frog-shaped chocolate candy, locked his home’s door for the night and sighed. The beings his company had placed on the planet in preparation for the chocolate frog production were starting to become a bit too sentient. They realized, like many others, that the chocolate frogs some of them were eating were actually rather bad tasting and overpriced. This was Frederick Fred O’s responsibility to take care of.
As they, the ones that called themselves humans, began to rebel from the programming that had been implanted in their instincts, the need for drastic action became clear. There would be an intervention held in order to maximize Frederick Fred O’s production. First contact would be made.
Alien 0, the first alien to interact with human society, needed to be prepared. He would be the starting point. He would be charismatic. He would be legendary. He would be… green.
Humans liked green. They were naturally inclined to. Most native life on the planet that didn’t attack other life in a violent way was green. The “plants” were all at least partially green, and sloths grew green stuff on them. That was most of the native life on the planet that didn’t attack other life in a violent way. Because of this, green was seen as an unthreatening color for the first life to contact Earth.
Alien 0 would wear shades. Humans liked shades. That was why Alien 0 would wear shades.
First contact would commence in T minus fifteen years, when the humans were projected to be at their most violently incendiary about their chocolate frog candies, and therefore at their most malleable about their opinions of the frog shaped chocolates.
Frederick Fred O waited anxiously for the day he would regain control of the humans’ planet.
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