[Books We Haven’t Read] Nancy Drew and the Police Problem

[Books We Haven’t Read] Nancy Drew and the Police Problem

Chapter 19 – Closing up

“You’ve done it again, Nancy!” the police chief yelled, looking more miffed that someone who wasn’t him had solved a crime rather than happy that a criminal was about to be locked up. It was like he was actively trying to let crime run rampant, or something. Nancy had better things to think about, like whatever standardized tests second graders took back in the day. The ITBS or something. Comic books. She had more important things to worry about than the fact that she was better at the police’s job than the police.

As usual, the police station held a small party in Nancy’s honor for solving this latest crime. As usual, the police station interpreted “held a small party” as “completely ignored the fact that Nancy and her friends did the law enforcement’s job for them and took all the credit.” Nancy wasn’t bothered by this. Nancy was eight. What bothered Nancy (and all her friends) was the fact that the law enforcement task force had once again proven that adults are nowhere near as smart as children, a suspicion that Nancy had held since she was three years old and told her mother that her glasses were on her face while she was looking for them. This, however, had dire implications. Nancy didn’t care about those implications. She was too young to see corruption in society.

The small girl and her other small friends all were shocked that they, a set of eight year olds, had figured out who had committed any of the crimes in their small town a full week before anyone in the county’s police precinct had expected to. That is, a full week before the professionals whose job descriptions included “solving all the crimes in the precinct” had expected themselves to solve any crime, a group of small children had done it first without breaking any moral rules. The eight year olds were understandably frightened by the law enforcement’s inability to do its job in this county.

Nancy, a small eight year old blond child, didn’t even want to be an investigator when she grew up! She wanted to do something more feminine, because obviously that’s what small girls in the nineteen thirties to seventies always want in books. Nancy’s skills were considered, by and large, to be just a hobby. The world would never get the detective task force they truly needed when she grew up. They would never have a sheriff who really cared about her people.

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